Reaching Out to Family: Providing Appropriate Support

I had been to Chicago for a funeral of a Roman Catholic Woman Priest Janine Denomee over the weekend. When I listened to my messages after I arrived home last night I heard a message of panic fearful of violence from my sister. She has been in a marriage which faces many challenges including her own behaviors. They have a 14 year old daughter. I was very upset about the situation and also knew I was very, very tired after the drive back to KY. I offered a prayer for the situation and went to bed.

This morning I called Dr. K one of the PTSD family therapists I have visited recently. I asked for advice as we four sisters are all ACOA. I knew our own experiences and family herstory would be influencing our decisions even if unconscious. I wanted a "reality check" and Dr. K would provide one for me/us. She recommended:

1. I was to report the situation to the local Human Services Department. I wasn't expecting Dr. K's first remarks after I told her the situation, "Katy, you are a priest, if this was not your sister what does RCWP ethics tell you you must do?" I responded, "Doesn't being her sister trump being a priest?" She replied, "NO, when the physical safety of your sister and her daughter are involved." No matter the relationship Dr. K stated, "We are professionals, we are required to report cases of abuse." Okay, I got my marching orders, darn psychologists she had me. Because there is a minor involved it gives higher priority to the situation. And so I was transferred to CPS, Child Protective Services.

I called the County Human Resources. The intake worker took the information and said it would be processed within 24 hours IF it was assigned to a worker. Because of the history of abuse in the family and the use of alcohol; she thought it would be assigned a case worker who would follow up with my sister. They wanted to know the school my niece attended but I could not provide that information. I felt badly about not knowing the school.

2. One of the questions my sisters and my daughter wanted answered was "Do we directly financially support her?" Are there alternatives to cash?

Dr. K replied, "I know I have family members who repeatedly asked for money. I recommend that you do not provide cash directly." Dr. K said, "I would recommend that you purchase food, gas, phone cards, what is necessary for her to live." I thought this was a good solution on how to provide financial support. I know earlier this year, my sisters and brother covered the heat bill for the family.

3. I wanted to know if there was a shelter for my sister and niece. The CPS intake worker gave me the number of _____ which provides shelter and support services for children and parents. I in turn sent an email to my sisters and daughter given them the info in case our sister/aunt would call them in a panic as she did on Monday.

It is very hard to be sure that boundaries between family members are not blurred. My sister and family need help. Today I felt as if I found the appropriate help for them at this time. I did what I could as the answer can only be created by her and decisions and actions to change her family situation.

Do not stand and do nothing if it is a situation of abuse. You can do something. I remember as a child I was powerless. As adults we can respond differently. Blessings on your ministry of compassion for others.