Continuing the Healing Process

I wrote about not being able to follow the healing exercise as proposed by the PTSD psychologist yesterday. Today during the morning's Liturgy of the Hours, I entered the scene once again. I thought I might be able to "shrink the scene and detach" from the feelings of powerless and terror as a child.

I once again imagined being in our bedroom as a child.
Joe was on the floor in and out of the closet.
Mother was standing over Joe with a broom.
Myself as child was standing looking on in terror.

I as behind myself as an adult watching.

A healer named Francis McNutt has taught healing prayer and I decided to use his guided imagery. I asked Jesus to be present in this scene with us. Jesus appeared standing next to me near the bedroom door. Jesus looked like the depictions of him as the Good Shepherd; strong and virile, beard and white robe.

I asked Jesus for healing
The child Katy is looking at Jesus.
He picks me up and hugs me close.
I snuggle next to his chest, my "Daddy" and know that I am safe.

(Out of the meditation, I begin to cry and continue to cry for the remainder of the meditation.)

In the meditation, I pray that Jesus heal my mother and brother and their relationship. Jesus hugs both of them individually.
They hug each other and I know---their relationship IS healed in Jesus.
I hug my mother and my brother. I do love them both.
My deepest feeling comes to the for that I wanted to protect my brother from my mother's beating and I could not.
Now Joe and mother are with Jesus, safe in God's love.

Jason is now in the image.
I know that Jason's and my relationship is like Joe and my mother's relationship on earth.
I weep in sorrow. I pray to Jesus to heal our relationship.
"I love you " I say to Jason.
Jesus hugs me and Jesus hugs Jason.

I hug each of those present.
Joe "It is so good to see you" He looks like he did as a teen.
Mother "Thank you for my love of nature which I learned from you."
Jason "I love you fiercely and tenderly"
Jesus, I am now the adult Katy, "I ask for your blessing." He gently places a stole around my shoulders, hugs me "I am with you always."

I cannot reduce/lighten this scene.
Joe and mother are at peace.
Jason and I are talking and laughing.
Jesus holds the child Katy in his arms.
I am home, I am safe, I am happy.
It IS a healing dream come true.
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After this imagery session,
I picked up my Breviary and turned to the scripture readings of the day.

From Psalm 131
"I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a child at its mother's breast;
like a child in its father's arms,
even so my soul."

This scripture affirmed my use of "Daddy" for Jesus.
It is synchronicity of lived experience and the Word.

Do not ever hesitate to continue to seek healing.
Prayers for your healing of mind, body and spirit.
Jesus our beloved father is with us giving us hugs that heal the wounds of our souls.