Mother's Day 2010

My daughter called me to wish me a Happy Mother's day. I have had no contact from my son who lives in VA with his wife Jodi. I feel very sad and disappointed. I thought I would write of our estrangement and its sources from my life's experience. My own wounds give me the compassion to walk with those with broken relationships. We can never judge another but must continually work for healing of myself and others. In this way we transform the suffering into life-giving healing of relationships.

I was wounded as a child by growing in an abusive alcoholic home where feelings were repressed and denied, self-esteem destroyed, control and identity lost. I went steady and married at age 21 (1964). I was abandoned by my daughter's father on Lisa's Baptism day in 1967. I lived as a single parent until I married my second husband in 1967. I did not know it but I had been emotionally traumatized to the core by the relationships in my life so far.

We birthed Jason and I lost who I was to a domineering, emotionally isolated individual for thirty years. Our emotional life was destructive to who Jason could have been and who he is called to be. Lisa was also impacted by this unbalanced relationship. I was emotionally unavailable, enmeshed totally in my husband's and my co-dependency. I did not know who I was, I was lost. I could not parent well because I did not exist as an independent person with feelings and needs of her own.

I came to consciousness at Walter Reed hospital after my son was very seriously injured. I had this dream:

1/18/06 Dream

A man/creature is in a loft about 3/4ths of the image. The man/creature is in a spider web shaped like a tunnel. I know he is there and ready to pounce. The loft is hung with black and weapons, the lower floor is also the same. I am standing on the floor below and looking up into the scene. I know I have fought and won (this morning’s session with Dr. M where I spoke my feelings honestly) I was to fight again. A child is with me. I decide ‘No, I do not need to fight.” I turn and walk away. I turn to my right and step out into the sunshine and blue sky.

This dream addressed the reality of our relationship of what it had been for 30 years and my decision to no longer live in the hell of our making. We each entered counseling and by the fall of 2006 knew the marriage could not be sustained, we applied for divorce by mutual agreement.

I have been in AlAnon since November 2009 and one of the steps is to make amends for the hurt I have caused. That I truly desire. As a priest I would like to be known as one who heals and brings reconciliation for is this not what Jesus did his whole ministry? may mine also be. From this great suffering of my own life, my I be a healing presence for others.