May 1 The Beginning of Spring-I wept.

I wept on the way home today from exercising at the YMCA. It rained, they say often when the Derby runs, all day so I had to be inside. I was upset as I thought the Y stayed open until 9. I ran chores this afternoon and could have gone sooner; I thought I had the perfect day planned-to save exercise for the last part of the day.

When I lived in Virginia amidst my depression and co-dependency; I never went to the mountains all around us. I loved the red bud and dogwood trees, I loved the rhododendron and mountain laurel but I was too lost deep within my self to enter into the beauty around me. I always said, "I will go "next year" but for 17 years I never went alone except when company visited and wanted "to go to the woods"

Last year I moved into this apartment complex on May 1 and things were so hectic I didn't go to the mountains of Daniel Boone National Forest just a little over an hour away. Soon I headed to Ann Arbor to provide support for my sister recovering for surgery for the months of June and July. I didn't get to the mountains in the fall as I was preparing for ordination.

This year I was away until after Easter with the grandkids in FL and got home the middle of the month. I was determined I would not miss the mountains this year. I headed out to the DBNF last week to see the wildflowers and they were spectacular. Trilliums, red and white, dotted the hillsides and red buds and dogwoods bloomed. I knew there might be one other flower I could see-the jewel of the forest floor: the lady slipper. She comes pink and yellow and when I was out last week, I didn't even think to ask if lady slippers were blooming as I assumed they bloomed later in the spring.

As I was hiking last week a woman said, "I really would like to see a lady slipper" and I thought "Hmm I will call the botanist and ask." He said, "Oh yes they are blooming" Surprised I made plans for Thursday as the weather was predicted to be warm and sunny I headed out by myself to see if I could find beauty amidst the oak leaves.

First I followed a road into the forest edge. The botanist had instructed, "They are in the middle of the parking lot." I got out of my car and asked a couple having lunch at a table, "See any lady slippers around" He replied, "Of course look around they are everywhere" And they were! Their beautiful pink slippers hanging from a 6 inch stem arising from a cup of two lily shaped leaves. I visited another site on the other side of Natural Bridge in the park and again they blossomed at the edge of the path.

Gently very gently
I touch the purple jewels of God,
wrapped in their leaves of green.
Tears fell
All I can do is reverence
the awesomeness that is the
Beauty of God
Amongst the oak leave bower
in the sunlight
of Spring's morning.
Fourteen billion years in the growing
just for me.

I give thanks with heart overflowing filled with God's creation
I can see it, really see it for the very first time.

My heart was full all week with lady slipper beauty.

This afternoon I went to a movie by Tyler Perry.
He has been writing and making more dramas then comedy but I wanted to see it because Tyler is an excellent writer. However it was painful for it was about marriage relationships and the suffering in marriages, much like my own.

I was feeling very lonely as I walked out of the YMCA, upset that it closed at 8 instead of 9 PM. The rain had stopped and a golden sunset was bright behind me. I looked into the dark rainclouds in front of me and the rainbow arch, complete from one side of the sky to other stretched before me.

I could not believe the beauty of this rainbow against the dark almost black sky with lazy white clouds floating above me, seeming to flow under the arch. I began to weep and knew again that God is present with me and within me. Creation and we are one. There is no thing that is not of God not Sacred.

Such beauty I have been gifted to see this week not made by human hands but directly from this wonderful earth that has been living and creating for 14 billion years. I found such peace this week in nature by myself for the very first time in my life.
I keep asking myself, "Is this my priesthood lived by a woman coming up out of depression and a spiritually abusive marriage?" To be filled with gratitude for the true beauty of the earth. To be able to see it and experience it and to feel at home in natural beauty. A gift beyond measure to be cherished forever and never to be taken away.

Who are we with such hubris that oil spills all over the coasts of Louisiana this day? May we come to consciousness to protect the earth and all life of its abundance. Blessings this day may you experience the God of Creation.