A Weekend with Friends

I spent this past weekend in VA with two long time friends from the days we all lived in VA. Two of us have two children, one of us had six. We met in A's home in Richmond to catch up. The first time we three had gathered since I left VA in 1996. I have changed the initials to protect their privacy. I share this reunion because I want to write of how the God of Evolution works in our lives, even when hidden from our own consciousness. We each are Jungian Intuitive Feelers (NF's) and I argue that is why we have lived the lives we have. For NF's are the People Possibility personalities, we know we can do it, we are never done discovering who we are. Even though we came from impoverished childhoods, suffering abuse we have never given up on God's presence in our lives.

Each of us is a strong women raised in the RC faith or our parents and grandparents. Two of us are now ordained, myself and B who is an Interfaith Minister. Two of us grew up in rural settings, myself in MI and B in VA. A grew up in the city. As Fowler said, "The last step in our faith development is to move beyond the institution that introduced us to meaning and the spiritual life. As adults we follow our mature individualized conscience." All three of us have done just that on our spiritual and emotional journeys. For all of our lives we have been prayerful women searching ever deeper into who we are before God. All of us believe that God resides inside of each human being equally.

We started our marriages with hope and raised our children in our faith as we knew it after Vatican II. Lisa my daughter attends mass each Sunday with her family, my son left the RCC when he was 16 and attends none. None of A's children attend the RCC. B did not address the faith life of her children except to say she officiated at the marriage of her daughter. A priest was also present. (I had the fantasy that Jason and Jodi would ask me to officiate at their marriage but our relationship is broken)

Lots of looking at photos and sharing stories of grandchildren and children. Our visits with them whether annually at the beach or Sunday dinners to catch up on their comings and goings. Our hopes and dreams for them and how they have chosen to live their own adult lives and their own passions and dreams. The Web of Life that binds the generations together and "friends in faith" together.

Each of us now divorced (two of us) or separated from those spouses we had when we lived in the same town. We were strong enough to change or leave an abusive marriage as spiritually painful as this would be. I pray for healing of each of us from the trauma of our marriage relationships. Each of our spouses could not grow because they could not acknowledge and ask for healing for their own spiritual and emotional suffering. Our spouses created families where others suffered their pain.

Today we are in our 60's and one in her 70's, we spent the time assessing how we were doing physically as one of us is becoming more disabled with more chronic illnesses being found. Each of us now has a "physical complaint" that marks as Old Seniors, one a major nerve issue, myself my lower back, A diabetes and other aging problems. We discussed "What will happen as we continue the aging process?" Each of us counts on a child being near us to oversee our health care and help or help us find aid to be independent as long as we can. B studies the policies of long-term care and hopefully we will reap the benefits of her writing and research.

I learned this visit that each of us suffered sexual abuse as a child. Two of us had siblings that watched the abuse. Abuse that I believe unconsciously and unhealed helped shape our relationships with men. We lived with men who abused us emotionally as we were as children. All three of us are celibate and do not seek a relationship with men.

We need to continually reach out to the women in our circles who have been abused and continually praying for their healing. We need to protect our children and grandchildren and all the children of our circles from abuse.

One of the sites we visited while in Richmond was the home of Maggie Walker, the first African-American woman bank president. She was born immediately after the Civil War and lived until 1934. Her biography is "A Right Worth Grand Mission:Maggie Lena Walker and the Quest for Black Economic Empowerment" by Gertrude Woodruff Marlowe. Her home in now a Historic place protected by the National Park Service and is well-worth the tour and museum talk.