Getting Older

I am reading a book called the Spiritually of Aging by Bianchi. I started it because a friend asked me to create a ritual around "The Blessings in Diminishment."

I am slowly collecting bible verses, information about the challenges of aging and God, I guess to get me in the right mind, let me become aware of the diminishment within my own body.

I want to meet with Paschal to see what he has in mind. I really do want to do this before I leave Lexington Nov. 1. I'll keep you posted

Three Things to be Grateful For

I took a "quiet day" after my medical news of yesterday. It was good to hear from my sister and daughter checking in to see how I was doing.

I spent time working on a report for the MFSO board.
I spent time reading a murder mystery.
I spent time working on my will with a lawyer over the phone. With possible surgery on the horizon I thought I best get busy and write one.
I spent time reading emails of support from friends. Five persons had had back fusion surgery. All agreed that it has made a positive difference.
I walked the garden at UK but I could not finish the last circle of the cloverleaf, my right leg was hurting and my lower back was hurting. Portent of things to come.
Thinking I might move to FL to be near my daughter Lisa as my lease is up Nov 1.
I thought I could get settled in and possibly have the surgery in the new year.

Where is God? God is with me as I have always known even in an abusive relationship as I struggled to find the light within. God is with me through medical professionals, through caring notes from friends, the love of my daughter.

For this day I am thankful to be alive, to be cared for, to feel the warm air on my skin as I walked this evening. It is enough, I have journeyed far spiritually and if God wants to call me home, I will say as my dad did, "I sure would like to stay but I am ready."

My health care needs: Three Surgeries in my Future

Dear friends,

I wanted to let you know about the results of my tests (and a CT scan to go).

I met with the neurosurgeon today in Lexington and Dr S. reported:

1. What is happening is the result of degenerative scoliosis/osteoarthritis.

2. The good news-your right hip is not ready for a transplant yet “orthopedists wouldn’t be interested” but is probably the source of some pain you are feeling. Has some “deterioration on the femur head.”



3. The bad news- “I recommend surgery to fuse your L2, 3, 4 vertebrae together and do some improvement in the scoliosis”

So…here I am at almost 68 facing a major medical decision that will impact on the rest of my life.

The CT is scheduled for the end of September. For some reason Dr. S did not find all the info he wants via the MRI, so…

I will seek a 2nd opinion.

Gather information about pros/cons of this surgery, lasting effects of the surgery.

Dr S said, “When you can’t stand the pain, you will schedule surgery or you are thinking of your back 24/7 or you are limited in what you can do.”

But the extent of the deterioration has him ready to do the surgery now.

Sure didn’t look good on the MRI.



Of course, nothing a surgeon can do will stop the continual degeneration due to arthritis.

The surgery will repair what it can, it is not a cure.

I ask you prayers, good thoughts, healing light and wisdom to discern the way forward in my medical care.

Send me any resources about such surgery or contact for folks who have undergone it.

The Last Sunday of Summer/Next Week is September and Labor Day

I experienced two types of community today.

First the gathering of a small Eucharistic community which I started here in Lexington before Christmas in 2009. I have tried to meet once a month but life has not permitted us so today was our 4th time. About 12 of us (including one man) gathered in a home of a woman who has taken care of her quadriplegic son for 30+ years at home, alone. She is beginning to think of his placement in alternative living arrangements. There comes a time when we cannot do what we did when younger. I ask God's guidance for B.

I learned that Michael Crosby Franciscan who wrote about the dysfunctional RCC is now speaking out for women priests. I had not heard of his taking such a position, I will have to check. A young woman attended who is seriously considering putting herself forward as a candidate for RCWP. She has a Masters in Pastoral Studies, lives in Lexington and a new hospice chaplain. I think she will be an excellent priest for the community should she choose to do.

Our readings and reflection focused on "Who do I invite to the table?" I addressed the Shadow side of ourselves-that which has been suppressed by family, culture, church. The shadow aspects can be negative or positive. I said, "My opposites were being a victim or being empowered. I came to consciousness at WRAMC, stopped being a victim and empowered myself." Been on the journey since then to empowerment as a daughter of God." They appreciated my story. The dialogue homily turned to the times the RCC turned away family, friends from receiving the Eucharist. The great hurt that has been caused by the Pharisee rules that Jesus railed against.


I feel that I need to study more to be able to add more to the homilies. Although being open to the Spirit speaking is the most important for me. I need time in prayer. I feel that I have to study all the time to make up for being lost for so many of my years.


In the evening I attended an open AA meeting here in Lexington. The speaker a woman in her 40's told her story of starting to drink when she was 15 (ACOA), knowing by the time she reached college that if she didn't quit she would be dead by 30. She and her spouse helped each other to sobriety and she hasn't had a drink in 20 years.
Her story had many poignant moments but I will tell one.

A couple of years ago, her mother was healthy, came home from Fl and became ill. Never diagnosed with an illness she died in six months. The storyteller was heartbroken. Before her mother died she would repeat the phrase, "It is what it is." Her daughter took it to mean that she was accepting of her own death, couldn't change it. On the first anniversary of her death the storyteller was in SC on vacation. She was full of grief and wanted a sign that all was well, "Mom, I need your help." The family went down to the beach and on the wharf she looked to her right,"There was a fishing boat and its name was "It is what it is." The storyteller knew her mom was okay and had sent her a sign. One for the emotional-spiritual books. Synchronicity or a mother's love for her daughter.

A community is created by the people who gather. AA and the 12 step programs are all about the spiritual journey and their stories tell of "their higher power" who loves them and provides for them. And so it is true with our stories.

Blessings everyone as you start your week.

MRI on Monday 8/30

I sit here at the computer wondering what the future holds for myself and ministry. I must go to the neurosurgeon on Monday for a MRI. For the last two years I have had intermittent pain in my lower back-right side below the waist and now episodes of numbness each day. It is time for me to find a diagnosis and prognosis before I take on a ministry that I might not be able to carry out fully.

Don't know the cause but maybe a permanently slipped disk? arthritis of the spine? injury to disk or vertebrae itself? Not sure but it wears me down each day by evening.

I think of the value of suffering and having experienced so much emotional and spiritual suffering in my life I do not want to have to experience physical pain also if I do not need to do it. I am not big into pain of any kind. I was hoping that I would have my "golden years" to minister as a RCWP, they may not happen.

I have held fetuses in my hand and baptized them so I know how blessed I have been to live almost 68 years. Active and able to travel, to experience new things. I am ready for what ever the MRI shows.

Say a prayer for my good health especially for my lower back.
Blessings,
katy

Three Things to be Grateful For

It is a beautiful day in Lexington today in the low 80's.
Went to the regular Thursday Peace Vigil, RM couldn't find a parking space, he waved to us from his car as he drove by our corner of Broadway and Main. Traffic horrendous between the road repair and students in town and regular 5 PM traffic.

I am grateful for
1. Being able to offer support to a friend whose husband just asked her for a divorce after 34 years of a relationship. (Dow and I divorced after 32 years, #$it happens.)

2. Grateful to the Rite-Aid clerk who gave me a roll of quarters so I can do laundry tomorrow morning and don't have to go to the bank first! Alleluia for random acts of kindness.

3. Grateful to the Fed Ex clerk who helped me do a back/front copy. When I do I know I needed one upside down but just couldn't place it correctly.

Three Things to be Grateful For

Spent time on the MFSO Transition Team Board call.
Good to be with peacemakers even if it is on the phone.

I am grateful for:

1. Military families that speak for peace even while caring for their soldiers. I don't feel alone when I am on the phone with them.

2. Birds that sing in the morning. Maybe on their way South already?

3. Walking in the arboretum at the end of the day. Lots of students out some jogging, some with pets. Lots of folks and families. Thank goodness there is still "a commons" to be found in the community. The Children's Garden is almost ready. There will need to be some planting done but it is looking good with paths threaded throughout I would say a 2 acre plot. I know it will be very pretty next spring. Part of me wonders if I will be here to see it or have moved to another place.

Three Things to be Grateful For

Today I seemed to get farther behind.
Started the day by going to an appointment for a skin check which I did not have.
Thought I could do my work for MFSO on line and lost all my directions.

I am grateful for

1. Newspaper in the morning that I read while I eat breakfast. Seems like I have done this all my life, from the Detroit Free Press, to Roanoke Virginia's paper, Chicago Tribune and now Herald-Leader of Lexington KY.

2. For AlAnon that shows another way through sharing our lives, the suffering and the triumphant of learning and using new behaviors.

3. For the crepe-myrtle still blooming after all summer and the pink single roses that every one uses to line driveways and parking lots and every where in Lexington.

The Injustice in the System-Education

One of the folks who was homeless, now in an apartment, wanted to start college this fall. She had an outstanding student loan. Somehow there is money from an account to pay that loan. However that guardian did not make any payments, so she could not get any further financial aide to start this fall! When she went to school this morning to pick up books, she was told where it stood financially.

When the system doesn't work, the poorest of the poor are those who suffer the most. My hear went out to her but there is nothing she nor I can do. If 6 payments are made by December she can start school next semester.

Keep her in your prayers that she might get into school in a timely manner.
Keep all who are struggling in this economy in your prayers.

Three Things to be Grateful For

This has truly been a blessed day.

I am grateful for:
1. Being able to take one of the players for "Don't Call Me Homeless, I Don't Call You Homed" to rehearsal at the Downtown Art Center on Main Street. She only has a walk-on part but it is important. The play will be given Fri and Sat night. A couple of folks will have to bare down real hard to learn their lines. I hope they have mics as a couple of folks have very soft voices. Ginny gave me a small part playing one of those who give out lunches to those who come. We also will give out lunch to each person in the audience (a secret). There will be publicity in the Weekender here and I will post.

2. It was cool in the arboretum for my walk this evening. The paths were much more full as the students and families are returning to Lexington. Not sure if class has started yet.

3.I had time to begin to add addresses to my Microsoft email program. I am trying to transfer everything in so can use for an address book. My old sheets are actually wearing away.

Three Things to be Grateful For

Today is Monday after a full weekend.
I am grateful for

1. Homemade fried rice with bacon and all the veggies I am not allergic to like corn, onions,carrots, and lima beans. I make a large batch, then freeze in 1 cup servings so all I have to do is unfreeze and eat! Yummy.

2. My YMCA membership via AARP Medicare Supplemental. It is so nice to be able to go to the Y to work out. It is a blessing of this city that two Y's are only 30 minutes away from me.

3. A friend who came over today to help me learn downloading from my digital. We ran into a problem in that we made folders instead of files and I can't upload from a folder to FaceBook. So Rikka will have to come back, hopefully soon.

Today the weather was very warm but without the humidity really doable! I was in all day until the late afternoon. I headed to the post office where the nicest woman waited on me. She has the patience of a saint. A young woman had used priority tape to seal her envelope, "You can't use it except for Priority Mail" (expensive) She helped the customer take the tape off and then used her bottle of glue to seal the envelope for her. All the time a pleasant expression on her face. I thought I can't imagine putting up with postal customers with odd behaviors for 8 hours straight. God bless her and all who work for the postal service.

Three Things to be Grateful For

Today is Sunday "the day of rest"
I am grateful for
1. Time to sit on the couch and read the Sunday paper, from cover to cover, go to the web find the article and send it to Face Book for friends to read.

2. My eyesight. One of my married priest mentors told us at the Spiritual Network Group when we met. "I am legally blind, I can no longer drive." It is hard for Paschal as he has beaten cancer, had knee replacements, heart trouble and still powered on like the energizer bunny. Now this and he can no longer take story telling hours with the elementary school children, his retirement passion. Paschal was a marriage counselor for years, taught college, raised a family, stayed a Benedictine. He asked me to help create a ritual for "Blessings of diminishment." Don't know what we will find but I will do it out of love for this man and preparation for my own times of diminishment to come.

3. AlAnon meetings and their lessons for me as an ACOA. To really look at my own behaviors and attitudes. Busy with the Fourth step, a blessing.

Three Things to be Grateful For

Today I am grateful for

1. The ability to see a wonderful movie "Eat, pray, love" by E. Gilbert the movie is about an authentic search for oneself. "Give it all up" and fly. Do read the book first.

2. Rain falling on a parched earth. All day as I drove around rain was falling somewhere near. At about 6 PM it finally started to rain in Lex. May it continue!

3. Money to buy a book for a friend. "Eat,Pray and Love" by Gilbert. My friend Margaret said she had never read the book but couldn't stand the author from all the hype. I said, "you need to read the story which is her spiritual journey." So...after the movie I purchased the book and soon it will be on its way.

Sat with AlAnon

Today is Saturday and I attend a weekly AlAnon meeting. The discussion centered around the experiences of mothers who must balance "control/responsibility" Some have young adult children who are suffering from addictions and the "Let Go, Let God" of AlAnon serves them well.

A woman has an adult son who is just out of jail.
She read her journal and he is doing what he did 5 years ago.
Only today did she realize that her behavior had not changed at all in the past 5 years. She was happy to be in AlAnon and "it's all about me. Cause that is who's behavior I am responsible for and can control." She encouraged each of us to keep a journal.

One of the women said, "When you interfere in the consequences of the alcoholic's actions, you prolong the path he/she is on." Or some call this behavior "enabler." AlAnon teaches, "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it but I can contribute to it."

I find that being in AlAnon is like doing the daily Examen of the Jesuits. What did I do wrong today? What can I change in it? What did I do right? Just like the AA program it is "Just for today." Or as Tolle's book suggests, "Live in the Now" as that is all we have. Take action for the immediate situation; the past is over, the future is unknown.

We are not called to live the life of Jesus, we are called to live our own unique life and to find our path and to contribute who we are to the world. Jesus is our model of reaching for the reign of God but we are not Jesus, I am Katy a grandmother and RCWP. I must live the life God planned for me! One of growth in who I am and loving compassion in the world.

Three Things to be Grateful For

Today was another very hot day. The local paper's headline was, "Climate Decline." I do not know how to raise the level of consciousness for humanity. Al Gore tried, won a Nobel but humanity would rather destroy itself for short term profits for a few. I think this is idolatry of the worst kind. To destroy all life on a planet while seeking only "what I want."

I am grateful for

1. Everyone on the crew and donors that are creating a "Children's Garden" at the arboretum. I walked the meandering path inter-spaced with sections with prints of animals and children.

2. The Catholic Action Center, Eric, Georgia, Marjorie and all the members of the "Preakness Players" who are practicing so hard to present a play in two weeks entitled, "Don't call me homeless, I don't call you home." It has two nights already scheduled and hope to keep presenting to the community! I will help out back stage, front where ever I am needed. I am so excited for them.

3.I went to the neurosurgeon's today for a check in about the pain in my lower back. My physician Dr. Roach would not order the MRI because his office felt that Medicare would not approve it. So he referred me to Dr. Scott whose receptionist was very insistent "Why did you come in without X-Rays?" I explained the story, told her what my insurance was and said, "I have had lower back pain for two years! I want and need to know what is going on!" Then she asked, "Do you have regular Medicare?" "Yes!" She returned to Dr. Scott. He came in a couple of minutes later, bending me like Dee PA in Dr. Roach's office, put me through the same paces on the table, bending my legs, etc. He asked me about the pain, I told him. Dr. S said, "Well, I think we will start with an X-Ray of your hip, then a MRI(scheduled for 8/30)"

I am grateful that I was fighting for health care reform and continue to do so. Dr. S and I got into a discussion on health care reform. He knew the system was broken but didn't know what to do except not wanting "socialized health care." We left the appointment with Dr. S saying, "Come back and we will continue to talk politics and health care." I had told him about the 30% for-profit health care takes from services. I told Dr S about the exorbitant salary the CEO of Manor Care made while we were cutting services for our hospice patients.

Three Things to be Grateful For

Today I am grateful for
1. A computer that works well so that I might create blogs, surf the net, do email, write a journal.

2. AARP's decision that to support wellness in we seniors, their insurance plan for supplemental Medicare B includes a membership to the YMCA. I try to visit at least 3 times a week.

3.Air conditioning as the temps have been over or near a 100 degrees since July. I am afraid of my AC bill but it is wonderful to keep the apartment at 80 and feel cool when I enter!

Today I worked with Nikki the MFSO organizer to learn their Google group account. I am now on the Board of MFSO, a regional representative, and on the transition team to restructure the board. After the hour long call I headed out to the Thursday Peace Vigil in downtown Lexington at 5:30. Today we got a surprise! They are repaving our corner and we stood in a hole! What a hoot. We laughed and said, "This is no mountain top, but we stand here proud." The vigil has been going since the start of the Iraq war.

Let us pray and work for peace each day of our lives. The God of Evolution does not want to have the children of God kill one another for political ends.

Three Things to be Grateful For

Today another hot one in Lexington.
I am grateful for
1. Having a great sponsor and working on my 4th Step of the AlAnon program. Three attributes today anger, resentment, and control. When married I was always angry, resentful and had no control over my life as a wife. Today I am at peace, knowing to let God be God and control my own life. I have no anger nor resentment.

2. Being able to walk in the arboretum in the evening. Cooling down and didn't need to carry a bottle of water. Felt so free.

3. Able to work on my computer, answer emails, Face Book, search for and write material.

Three things to be grateful for

For this past weekend, I am grateful for

1. For being with friends who continue their spiritual journey even as we relinquish our younger selves and face the challenges of aging. We are in the twilight years of our lives.

2. For an apartment with AC as today the temperature in my car when I opened the door was 106 degrees.

3.For being able to gather today with MoveOn.org folks to express our anger at the decision of Citizens United that declared corporations people with all the rights of free speech. We used our today.

A Weekend with Friends

I spent this past weekend in VA with two long time friends from the days we all lived in VA. Two of us have two children, one of us had six. We met in A's home in Richmond to catch up. The first time we three had gathered since I left VA in 1996. I have changed the initials to protect their privacy. I share this reunion because I want to write of how the God of Evolution works in our lives, even when hidden from our own consciousness. We each are Jungian Intuitive Feelers (NF's) and I argue that is why we have lived the lives we have. For NF's are the People Possibility personalities, we know we can do it, we are never done discovering who we are. Even though we came from impoverished childhoods, suffering abuse we have never given up on God's presence in our lives.

Each of us is a strong women raised in the RC faith or our parents and grandparents. Two of us are now ordained, myself and B who is an Interfaith Minister. Two of us grew up in rural settings, myself in MI and B in VA. A grew up in the city. As Fowler said, "The last step in our faith development is to move beyond the institution that introduced us to meaning and the spiritual life. As adults we follow our mature individualized conscience." All three of us have done just that on our spiritual and emotional journeys. For all of our lives we have been prayerful women searching ever deeper into who we are before God. All of us believe that God resides inside of each human being equally.

We started our marriages with hope and raised our children in our faith as we knew it after Vatican II. Lisa my daughter attends mass each Sunday with her family, my son left the RCC when he was 16 and attends none. None of A's children attend the RCC. B did not address the faith life of her children except to say she officiated at the marriage of her daughter. A priest was also present. (I had the fantasy that Jason and Jodi would ask me to officiate at their marriage but our relationship is broken)

Lots of looking at photos and sharing stories of grandchildren and children. Our visits with them whether annually at the beach or Sunday dinners to catch up on their comings and goings. Our hopes and dreams for them and how they have chosen to live their own adult lives and their own passions and dreams. The Web of Life that binds the generations together and "friends in faith" together.

Each of us now divorced (two of us) or separated from those spouses we had when we lived in the same town. We were strong enough to change or leave an abusive marriage as spiritually painful as this would be. I pray for healing of each of us from the trauma of our marriage relationships. Each of our spouses could not grow because they could not acknowledge and ask for healing for their own spiritual and emotional suffering. Our spouses created families where others suffered their pain.

Today we are in our 60's and one in her 70's, we spent the time assessing how we were doing physically as one of us is becoming more disabled with more chronic illnesses being found. Each of us now has a "physical complaint" that marks as Old Seniors, one a major nerve issue, myself my lower back, A diabetes and other aging problems. We discussed "What will happen as we continue the aging process?" Each of us counts on a child being near us to oversee our health care and help or help us find aid to be independent as long as we can. B studies the policies of long-term care and hopefully we will reap the benefits of her writing and research.

I learned this visit that each of us suffered sexual abuse as a child. Two of us had siblings that watched the abuse. Abuse that I believe unconsciously and unhealed helped shape our relationships with men. We lived with men who abused us emotionally as we were as children. All three of us are celibate and do not seek a relationship with men.

We need to continually reach out to the women in our circles who have been abused and continually praying for their healing. We need to protect our children and grandchildren and all the children of our circles from abuse.

One of the sites we visited while in Richmond was the home of Maggie Walker, the first African-American woman bank president. She was born immediately after the Civil War and lived until 1934. Her biography is "A Right Worth Grand Mission:Maggie Lena Walker and the Quest for Black Economic Empowerment" by Gertrude Woodruff Marlowe. Her home in now a Historic place protected by the National Park Service and is well-worth the tour and museum talk.

Three Things to be Grateful For

Three things I am grateful for:

1. A neighbor who will take care of my plants while I am away.

2. A friend who calls "to check in on how you're doing" and a wonderful Godmother who cares for me. She gives unconditional love to me.

3. A therapist who "is a friend who walks beside me as I explore my emotional and spiritual life." Seeking to be healed of the wounds of childhood and life.

Three Things to be Grateful For/Fourth Step

I love doing these three "I am grateful for"

1. I am grateful to be working on the 4th step of the AlAnon program and have a good sponsor to work with.

2. I am grateful for a lawyer who read my lease and clarified the ending date for me. I may be able to leave prior to November 1 should I find a place in DC or Chicago.

3. For food fresh from the garden. My friend Ann cooked lunch from rice, Swiss chard, beans, squash-a funny round ball, and peppers from the garden. Wonderful meal way out in Estill county KY in a community called Irvine. I could not believe how remote their 126 acre homestead is.



Working on the 4th step
I believe that the spiritual-emotional continuum is one. When we work to understand ourselves we are freeing ourselves from past learned behavior.
AlAnon is a 12 step, self-help group therapy exploring our own woundedness and choosing to change my behavior because:

The Serenity Prayer
God (as I understand God)grant me the serenity
to accept the things I can not change (another's behavior/attitudes)
Courage to change the things (my own behavior and attitude) I can
and wisdom to know the difference.

(italics, my additions to prayer)

The 4th step is from the AA Big Book and is a part of a spiritual process of healing the wounds of our lives as we act them out in our interactions with others. I encourage all who have an addict of any kind in their family system, he/she may be living or dead to attend AlAnon meetings. We have been influenced by the people we have relationships with.

The 4th Step is an inventory of my characteristics, behaviors, attitudes. "Step Four is an exercise in perception, a way to distinguish between what works in our lives and what is no longer necessary...For many of us the more information we learn about ourselves in a broad range of categories, the better we can understand who we are and how we got this way." Being an ACOA, I have learned dysfunctions resulting in behaviors that hurt myself and others and repression/non expression of feelings. As I have said before, those actions the scriptures call "sin" I believe are these behaviors and if we stay unconscious we cannot change the behavior.

Here is the nutshell discussion of the attributes covered today;
1. Honesty-I have trouble speaking my truth in conversation. I am "wobbly in my skills" This arises because I was not able to be honest in my childhood and during my marriage. My parents could not teach what they did not know. My spouse could not share what he did experience in his own feelings. I lived a marriage that was a lie emotionally and spiritually. Now I am trying to bring my life into congruency: values I hold dear I want to live them in the external world. In my marriage relationshi9p I did not live my values of equality for women and care of children. The RCC oppresses women, I took a stand for justice for women by becoming a RCWP. I want to be more active for peace and justice making.

2. Self-worth Self-worth arises from affirmation in childhood and continues throughout life. Again this is an issue I have struggled with all of my life. We are told "You are a beloved child of God." Yet if we have not experienced support and care in the world, we will not have self worth as an adult.

I need to listen for positive feedback from my behavior in groups. I have received affirmation after my RCWP ordination from all whom I meet. It is the first time in my life that others have affirmed an action I have taken or a behavior.

3. Fear Fear "Many of us who lived with alcoholism became intimately acquainted with fear...in AlAnon we learn that fear is nothing more that a lack of faith, and that by developing our faith we can have courage beyond our expectations...We begin to understand what we did, and that leads to compassion for who we used to be. Our growing awareness about the truth of our situation points us toward freedom. We may have fear...but we are shown we can acknowledge our fear and remain free to live life anyway, under the care of our Higher Power." "Instead of expending my energy on living my life, I focused almost exclusively on avoiding pain, stuffing disturbing feelings, and keeping myself as numb as I could." (How AlAnon Works, P 154)

I lived my life in fear until I walked into Walter Reed and gave control over to God. Jason would live or die, it was in God's hands. My consciousness was raised, I could give my whole self over to God and live without fear. And so I have. I have the freedom to respond to God in the now, not past nor future but today.

Three things to be grateful for

I had a good day today. Easy going but fruitful.
I spent my time in prayer-scriptures, liturgy of the hours.
Cleaning out and trying weed out what I don't want to move if that happens.

I am grateful for:
1. Public libraries-part of the "socialism" of America. I gave books back, took out books and music to listen to as I drive to Richmond VA.

2. Baked sweet potatoes-had one for lunch, full of vitamins, I added cinnamon for taste today. Have to use less brown sugar.

3. Computers for writing journals, blogs, email, Face Book. Great when they work.

Three things to be grateful for

I attended a AlAnon meeting on Sat morning, "Never alone at 9" It is a based on the 12 steps and the AA Big Book is used. In the sharing, this statement was made,

"When fear is released, freedom awaits."
I had never thought of it in this way.
Yet I know when I arrived at Walter Reed I was fearful, anxious, and depressed. I arrived at WR and my fear left me.
I was free to tend to the needs of my very seriously injured son.
I was free to leave an abusive marriage.

With Jesus at my side I have come very far in my spiritual and emotional growth(they are one) since that day.

Freedom does come in when fear is released.
Freedom to be responsible for only my actions, feelings, thoughts as AlAnon teaches.
Freedom to know that only I am responsible for what happens with my life, no one else is.

Jesus is my Higher Power,
God walks with me as my brother and is the Truth deep within my soul.

One of the women said that each day before she goes to sleep she reminds herself of three things she is grateful for. Today I am grateful for
1. Having a nice apartment with a beautiful sunset outside.
2. Being at peace with not attending the oppressive RCC on Sunday. Instead as I do every day, I spend an hour reading the scriptures, saying the daily office, reading from AlAnon literature, and Tolle's book the Power of Now.
3. Attending the Spiritual Growth Network with mature adults who have journeyed far into who they are and who God is for them. One is a Hawaiian shaman, one is a Buddhist, two are married RC priests.