Again I share the depth of my journey so that you may receive courage and strength to follow your own path inward until you discover the truth of who you are as a daughter or son of God.
I had a dream about a tiger (with spots not stripes) and took it to the therapist as the dream symbol of a Tiger is "ambivalent" "creation and destruction" and as these were discovered to be the two polar opposites of psychic energy within me I wanted to address this energy.
I also told Dr. S about the dream from 2002 in which I saw a creature, neither man nor woman but wearing a white dress with spots, similar to the spots on the tiger.
We talked of many things but did not use the recent dream but the original dream as it held a lot of energy for me.
I was to stand in the room and see the image in my imagination. Extend my arm and put my finger in the center. I had difficulty but finally was able to see "the thing" as the dinosaur wearing the white dress. I turned around 3 times and my feeling was a strong curiosity of wanting to know about this image. He had me turn the other way around three times to check what would happen. The creature now became a young woman who was smiling. I felt joy and peace. So Dr. S concluded the work and I felt free of the energy of the image.
I will try to paint both the tiger and the creature one day. To honor them as archetypes of primal energy within me. I felt I have used the negative energy of the destroyer all of my life but not the energy of creating. So now it is time to create.
When we speak of sin, I believe the writers of the Jewish scripture were trying to describe these energies and how they were lived out in lives. The energy when one is unconscious is acted out "we often sin" not because we choose to do so but because of these psychic/spiritual energy with in expressing itself.
Showing posts with label PTSD another session. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PTSD another session. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
PTSD Therapy: Discovering the Opposites Within
It is important for all who read this blog. I share the deepest levels of my spiritual/emotional journey so we might all evolve to a higher level of consciousness. If I take the journey to the darkest parts of my psyche/shadow, then maybe I can encourage/give permission to you to do the same. Truly we can be blind emotionally all of our lives, I was until I was 62 and stood at Jason's bedside at Walter Reed. However emotional growth does not exist in time. If I heal today, I have healed all of my life especially going forward in a new consciousness. I will have the freedom to choose a different path of behavior.
If I behave in a certain emotional pattern, my partner in relationship can support the behavior or challenge me to grow/change. I grew up in an abusive alcoholic home. The only time my mother touched me was to beat me. The only words were ones of criticism. As a child I was powerless and this became an emotional pattern for me. "Love" was violent-emotionally and spiritually. Lived out in relationships it may become sadistic/masochistic as I described in the June 2 post. I couple this experience with the RCC's dictate that "we should suffer like Christ" for redemption of the world. I was primed for suffering as a way of life. I returned to the same therapist today. I wanted to address the other side of myself in my marriage relationship. If the relationship was sadistic, then "How am I masochistic in relationships?" That is seeking pain or humiliation.
The therapeutic process was the same one I related in the earlier session. I had failed to mention that Dr. S takes succinct notes which he reads back to me, repeating the words I have used then asking me to move beyond where I am if I can. I am to share new experiences of feelings, images and thoughts. He always wants to know if their is a relationship or exchange between the feelings or images. He also read my blog entry of June 2 which the includes the dream I had at WR, the dream of empowerment and freeing myself from the web of unconsciousness and destructive relationship to Dow. He often muses out loud, "What is the opposite?" "What is another word? another metaphor?" Encouraging me to explore the image as deep as I can. Instructions remained the same "Dive deep" into the feelings, the image.
Dr. S read my blog journal notes and commented on them. He particularly liked my choice in the lucid dream at Walter Reed. I had written that I had to do the same with all other conflict within me.
Today I was to answer as myself not another person.
I chose a scene where I felt my own behavior arose from a masochistic need within myself. This event(amongst many) occurred within my marriage, I believe that it was after Jason had joined the Army (after 9/11/01) Dow and I were laying on the bed together. It was morning as I remember the sunlight coming through the bedroom windows and lighting the king-sized bed. I remember we were discussing our relationship and Dow asked me, "Why are you still married?" I answered "Because I made wedding vows." I remember feeling so very defeated and trapped.
This is where the therapy session began.
I saw the bedroom image in my mind's eye.
Somehow Dr. S going through the feelings, using the pressure points around my eyes, moved my experience to also contain a power image.
The power image was Wonder Woman standing at the bedside with her hands on her hips. I smiled because I thought the actress who played WW was the most beautiful woman and I loved her power and persona.
Dr. S continued to go back to the "defeated and trapped" feelings exploring my experiences of them. I kept going back to the bedroom in the condo, seeing Dow under the sheets. Dr S asked "What is the opposite of powerlessness?" This is when Wonder Woman made her appearance. I told Dr S I thought it was the feminine powerful part of me. So now we had defeated and trapped versus powerful woman parts of my psyche, the opposites.
I do not know how/when but Wonder Woman picked me and took me out of the bed. I knew I was held in her arms but I could not see myself there. The bed was bathed in sunlight. Dow became the image of trapped and defeated. The feelings looked like a human brain-gray matter with lines. Dr. S asked "Why are these feelings Dow's?" I thought and maybe said, "I walked out on him, Dow is left with only himself, trapped and defeated."
Somehow we moved into these images as representing Creativity and Destruction the "Primal Energies of the universe." These energies within me must be brought together as one for healing. The imaging continued.
The image of trapped and defeated became dirt (no longer a brain) with a flower growing forth (new life, resurrection), not iris nor tulip, but something itself with a brilliant yellow-white flower grew out of this "dirt." This flower transformed into a white dove who flew away. Wonder Woman added wings as I talked about the image of St. Michael the Archangel. The images of creativity became myself at an easel using pastels. The image of destruction became myself axing an large oak tree. But neither of these images "lasted." The artist worked but the axing of the tree became an angel (story I read yesterday in my issue of Angels-a guidepost magazine)of an artist who carved an angel from a tree stump.
At Different points I repeated the words, "I love myself unconditionally holding simultaneously trapped/defeated and power." At some point I mentioned sending Jason to war as destruction yet even this was folded into creativity of the Mystery of life. I called it "Sacred Ground" of reality. Like the Big Bang from nothing, the universe began. I realized afresh that I have within myself the energies of destruction and creativity.
After this part of the session, Dr. S led me through a series of opposites which were to bring the opposites into relationship with each other and my own realization that all is one unity. What Thich Nan Han teaches; "The rose is in the compost, the compost is in the rose." He was disgruntled a little because I would bring "old herstory" into the now. He said, "Don't do that, where are you now in your understanding after the work today?"
All of this reminded me of a very vivid dream of my childhood: I was very young and facing a green skeleton of death with the cross bones underneath. It was very, very scary. I have often thought of it at different times of my life as I never have faced a life threatening physical situation but I sure succumbed to "death of my soul" for most of my life. The force of destruction is within each of us, this is an accepted Jungian concept. We act it out in the outer reality. Jesus talks about those who are "whited sepulchers" looking good on the outside and filled with death within.
My creativity has been blocked all my life. I loved the garden in VA loved to do pastels but have done neither for many years.
With the release of masochism from life will my creativity be renewed? I am sure I have more work to do. Dr. Skags said, "This is good stuff" and has another exercise for our session next week. It was good being me and "diving into the depths of my psyche" as I know deepest within God resides as Julian of Norwich has described "Jesus the king in the center of the city." I know I feel at peace within and I think working with Dr. Skaggs is part of this feeling of peace as I draw the various threads of my life from the shadow into the light of consciousness.
I will have to share my poem with Dr Skaggs next week. It addresses the opposites and death and life and the unity in all of life. You may have read it somewhere already but I will post it here, from My Journal during Jason’s time in Iraq:
I was in denial that Jason would participate fully in this war. The San Francisco Chronicle embedded a reporter with his platoon and on June 5,2005 reported that Jason’s men had fired on and destroyed a pick-up and the persons inside. I wrote the following:
A poem of sorrow
A mother waits
A messenger comes to her door
The sun stops in its course across the sky
And plunges her world into night.
Sorrow so deep
Her wail so strong
It broke my heart
Here in Chicago this day.
Joined together forever are we
One son gave an order
One son died
We are one in our tears.
“I am sorry our cultures say, “War is the answer.”
“I am sorry my son says, “Fire”
I hold your son in my arms
And pray for your healing
And may the world be reconciled
To know that we are one.
June 6, 2005
On October 15, 2005 while on patrol, Jason lost his eye and arm to a road side bomb. He was flown to WRAMC where he spent a year healing from his injuries. I spent 8 months living at Walter Reed holding my son and praying for his healing. While there I ministered to wounded soldiers, their family members, and Walter Reed staff.
If I behave in a certain emotional pattern, my partner in relationship can support the behavior or challenge me to grow/change. I grew up in an abusive alcoholic home. The only time my mother touched me was to beat me. The only words were ones of criticism. As a child I was powerless and this became an emotional pattern for me. "Love" was violent-emotionally and spiritually. Lived out in relationships it may become sadistic/masochistic as I described in the June 2 post. I couple this experience with the RCC's dictate that "we should suffer like Christ" for redemption of the world. I was primed for suffering as a way of life. I returned to the same therapist today. I wanted to address the other side of myself in my marriage relationship. If the relationship was sadistic, then "How am I masochistic in relationships?" That is seeking pain or humiliation.
The therapeutic process was the same one I related in the earlier session. I had failed to mention that Dr. S takes succinct notes which he reads back to me, repeating the words I have used then asking me to move beyond where I am if I can. I am to share new experiences of feelings, images and thoughts. He always wants to know if their is a relationship or exchange between the feelings or images. He also read my blog entry of June 2 which the includes the dream I had at WR, the dream of empowerment and freeing myself from the web of unconsciousness and destructive relationship to Dow. He often muses out loud, "What is the opposite?" "What is another word? another metaphor?" Encouraging me to explore the image as deep as I can. Instructions remained the same "Dive deep" into the feelings, the image.
Dr. S read my blog journal notes and commented on them. He particularly liked my choice in the lucid dream at Walter Reed. I had written that I had to do the same with all other conflict within me.
Today I was to answer as myself not another person.
I chose a scene where I felt my own behavior arose from a masochistic need within myself. This event(amongst many) occurred within my marriage, I believe that it was after Jason had joined the Army (after 9/11/01) Dow and I were laying on the bed together. It was morning as I remember the sunlight coming through the bedroom windows and lighting the king-sized bed. I remember we were discussing our relationship and Dow asked me, "Why are you still married?" I answered "Because I made wedding vows." I remember feeling so very defeated and trapped.
This is where the therapy session began.
I saw the bedroom image in my mind's eye.
Somehow Dr. S going through the feelings, using the pressure points around my eyes, moved my experience to also contain a power image.
The power image was Wonder Woman standing at the bedside with her hands on her hips. I smiled because I thought the actress who played WW was the most beautiful woman and I loved her power and persona.
Dr. S continued to go back to the "defeated and trapped" feelings exploring my experiences of them. I kept going back to the bedroom in the condo, seeing Dow under the sheets. Dr S asked "What is the opposite of powerlessness?" This is when Wonder Woman made her appearance. I told Dr S I thought it was the feminine powerful part of me. So now we had defeated and trapped versus powerful woman parts of my psyche, the opposites.
I do not know how/when but Wonder Woman picked me and took me out of the bed. I knew I was held in her arms but I could not see myself there. The bed was bathed in sunlight. Dow became the image of trapped and defeated. The feelings looked like a human brain-gray matter with lines. Dr. S asked "Why are these feelings Dow's?" I thought and maybe said, "I walked out on him, Dow is left with only himself, trapped and defeated."
Somehow we moved into these images as representing Creativity and Destruction the "Primal Energies of the universe." These energies within me must be brought together as one for healing. The imaging continued.
The image of trapped and defeated became dirt (no longer a brain) with a flower growing forth (new life, resurrection), not iris nor tulip, but something itself with a brilliant yellow-white flower grew out of this "dirt." This flower transformed into a white dove who flew away. Wonder Woman added wings as I talked about the image of St. Michael the Archangel. The images of creativity became myself at an easel using pastels. The image of destruction became myself axing an large oak tree. But neither of these images "lasted." The artist worked but the axing of the tree became an angel (story I read yesterday in my issue of Angels-a guidepost magazine)of an artist who carved an angel from a tree stump.
At Different points I repeated the words, "I love myself unconditionally holding simultaneously trapped/defeated and power." At some point I mentioned sending Jason to war as destruction yet even this was folded into creativity of the Mystery of life. I called it "Sacred Ground" of reality. Like the Big Bang from nothing, the universe began. I realized afresh that I have within myself the energies of destruction and creativity.
After this part of the session, Dr. S led me through a series of opposites which were to bring the opposites into relationship with each other and my own realization that all is one unity. What Thich Nan Han teaches; "The rose is in the compost, the compost is in the rose." He was disgruntled a little because I would bring "old herstory" into the now. He said, "Don't do that, where are you now in your understanding after the work today?"
All of this reminded me of a very vivid dream of my childhood: I was very young and facing a green skeleton of death with the cross bones underneath. It was very, very scary. I have often thought of it at different times of my life as I never have faced a life threatening physical situation but I sure succumbed to "death of my soul" for most of my life. The force of destruction is within each of us, this is an accepted Jungian concept. We act it out in the outer reality. Jesus talks about those who are "whited sepulchers" looking good on the outside and filled with death within.
My creativity has been blocked all my life. I loved the garden in VA loved to do pastels but have done neither for many years.
With the release of masochism from life will my creativity be renewed? I am sure I have more work to do. Dr. Skags said, "This is good stuff" and has another exercise for our session next week. It was good being me and "diving into the depths of my psyche" as I know deepest within God resides as Julian of Norwich has described "Jesus the king in the center of the city." I know I feel at peace within and I think working with Dr. Skaggs is part of this feeling of peace as I draw the various threads of my life from the shadow into the light of consciousness.
I will have to share my poem with Dr Skaggs next week. It addresses the opposites and death and life and the unity in all of life. You may have read it somewhere already but I will post it here, from My Journal during Jason’s time in Iraq:
I was in denial that Jason would participate fully in this war. The San Francisco Chronicle embedded a reporter with his platoon and on June 5,2005 reported that Jason’s men had fired on and destroyed a pick-up and the persons inside. I wrote the following:
A poem of sorrow
A mother waits
A messenger comes to her door
The sun stops in its course across the sky
And plunges her world into night.
Sorrow so deep
Her wail so strong
It broke my heart
Here in Chicago this day.
Joined together forever are we
One son gave an order
One son died
We are one in our tears.
“I am sorry our cultures say, “War is the answer.”
“I am sorry my son says, “Fire”
I hold your son in my arms
And pray for your healing
And may the world be reconciled
To know that we are one.
June 6, 2005
On October 15, 2005 while on patrol, Jason lost his eye and arm to a road side bomb. He was flown to WRAMC where he spent a year healing from his injuries. I spent 8 months living at Walter Reed holding my son and praying for his healing. While there I ministered to wounded soldiers, their family members, and Walter Reed staff.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Only for Those who Need Courage To Heal and Change
I write of my own experiences as I seek continued healing so that I might encourage you to do the same. God never gives up on us because God is the force of evolution both in the universe and within the human heart and soul. I want to be the very best priest I can be for the People of God. I have not addressed these issues/events of my life in a therapeutic setting prior to now. I have spent a lifetime of prayer asking God's healing and forgiveness for what I have done as St. Paul wrote "because of this thorn in my side."
Our journeys are unique yet each of us is wounded by life in some way. How to seek healing, how to find the courage to look deep into our own wounds? What is unconscious controls our behavior toward ourselves and others. We can look at our shadow side and we can be healed of wounds and be in control of how we live in relationship with others. By doing the inner work we cultivate our soul's earth for the seed of compassion to grow. Through growing in compassion we become mature daughters and sons of God our Mother and Father. God provides healing for us through our interactions with other human beings; for deep wounds it is best to enter this work with an experienced professional.
Today I wanted to experience healing around the trauma of being in relationship with my ex-husband for over 30 years. It was not a healthy relationship for myself, for him or our daughter and son. I know that healing of myself includes compassion for my ex husband. Today Dr. S used a different technique for "diving deep" into the feelings connected with our relationship.
In our relationship, there is no one instance that stands out, it is a repetitive pattern of emotional abuse even if the other would deny ever doing it. How Dr. S began really set me back. "What you are describing is a form of sadism" I was shocked. I think of the term connected with whips and chains, physical stuff.
Dr S explained, I will try to do the best I can in repeating what he said, "The one who commits such emotional violence is trying to love you, believes he is loving you. First your self esteem must be destroyed so he is in control. This way he can love you and not be vulnerable in his own feelings; he is safe in loving you." This relationship was created and continued unconsciously on his part and my part.
My ex-spouse teased, put down, discounted, ignored completely any expression of feelings and needs expressed by me. By the 5th year of my marriage I was literally neurotic, depressed, anxious and most of all fearful. I was paralyzed emotionally. As they say in AlAnon "it was insanity." I no longer existed, I was an extension of my ex's personality. I was to meet his needs and did so denying my very soul and every value I had lived until I married him. I was truly trapped in the emotional and spiritual Hell of my own and my ex's making.
I want to disconnect myself emotionally and to heal the wounds of this relationship so I might be compassion for myself and others. The process is like Velcro Dr. S explained. Right now there is an emotional hook which fits into a loop. The healing takes place when the loop is opened and there is no longer a loop for the hook. These are the emotions within the dynamic of the relationship.
Throughout today's exercise I am "to be my ex" not myself; that is feel, talk as if I am him. The process took an hour and I cannot relate it all, I will give examples from it.
The process looks like this.
Two fingers to the center of chest.
two fingers on side of nose touching brow,
fingers to side of eye,
fingers to bone under eye.
Looking for a memory to start.
then a feeling
feeling with new image if it comes
experience new image
a feeling
Or a repeat if the feeling/image does not change.
Many exhortations by Dr S to "dive deeper" into the feeling; to feel it in the now as completely as I could as my ex.
Two fingers on my chest to repeat as my ex spouse "I am feeling____, I love myself unconditionally in body, mind and spirit."
We started out with my being my ex on the first floor of our home in Va. He had taken over the first floor as his office. It had a fireplace, handmade furniture by my brother especially for him. A really, really nice office. Feelings of satisfaction, contentment, pride and happiness were in this room for my ex. Dr. S led me through the hand movements more than once to the point that the room and feelings began to fade into a fog.
Then Dr. S asked me to move to another room in the home. I went upstairs as it was dinner time. What came next is hard to remember accurately. My ex was enjoying the meal Katy had prepared. I kept giving thoughts and descriptions, Dr S kept saying "feeling, feeling" I imagined my ex eating a mouthful of chicken. I imagined the taste, smell, texture.
My ex enjoyed the meal so much because he had been very poor as a child and had gone hungry (I know my ex's dad went hunting and they butchered on the kitchen table). I was to enter into his feelings of poverty, hunger, being deprived.
The image given me was a starving child of Africa poster. My ex was taken a back. The child came out of the poster toward him. He was panicky, turning away. At this point I began to cry, I said, "I can't continue" for Katy would never turn away from a starving child. Dr. S began to tap the outside of the each knee. (I am assuming a meridian pressure point.) He led me back into the image and overwhelming feelings of conflict.
The image became my ex stuck to the tar baby as in Brer Rabbit tales. The rest of time was spent with both halves of the image. The feelings of panic (my ex) the feelings of frustration (me) because I can't get free. I kept trying to "solve the problem" but Dr. S kept insisting on feelings. The session had to end, I was left holding both parts "the tar baby-me, my ex stuck to the tar baby" neither of us able to be freed from the connection.
Dr. S said, "You did well, you continued even when you said, "I can't" I can sit with the images on my own till we meet again. I told him the feelings at the end of the session were the same as when I had the dream at Walter Reed (Jan. 2006) the dream is:
A man/creature is in a loft about 3/4ths of the image. The man/creature is in a spider web shaped like a tunnel. I know he is there and ready to pounce. The loft is hung with black and weapons, the lower floor is also the same. I am standing on the floor below and looking up into the scene. I know I have fought and won (this morning’s session with Dr. M where I spoke my feelings honestly) I was to fight again. A child is with me. I decide ‘No, I do not need to fight.” I turn and walk away. I turn to my right and step out into the sunshine and blue sky.
I had never had a lucid dream before or since. That is a dream where I made a decision that would change my life in the waking world of day. I must do the same with this tar baby situation I think. I am not sure so the healing process will continue when I return from my journeys over the next month. I hope to dream and maybe experience some further insight into my life, healing toward compassion, and its meaning.
Our journeys are unique yet each of us is wounded by life in some way. How to seek healing, how to find the courage to look deep into our own wounds? What is unconscious controls our behavior toward ourselves and others. We can look at our shadow side and we can be healed of wounds and be in control of how we live in relationship with others. By doing the inner work we cultivate our soul's earth for the seed of compassion to grow. Through growing in compassion we become mature daughters and sons of God our Mother and Father. God provides healing for us through our interactions with other human beings; for deep wounds it is best to enter this work with an experienced professional.
Today I wanted to experience healing around the trauma of being in relationship with my ex-husband for over 30 years. It was not a healthy relationship for myself, for him or our daughter and son. I know that healing of myself includes compassion for my ex husband. Today Dr. S used a different technique for "diving deep" into the feelings connected with our relationship.
In our relationship, there is no one instance that stands out, it is a repetitive pattern of emotional abuse even if the other would deny ever doing it. How Dr. S began really set me back. "What you are describing is a form of sadism" I was shocked. I think of the term connected with whips and chains, physical stuff.
Dr S explained, I will try to do the best I can in repeating what he said, "The one who commits such emotional violence is trying to love you, believes he is loving you. First your self esteem must be destroyed so he is in control. This way he can love you and not be vulnerable in his own feelings; he is safe in loving you." This relationship was created and continued unconsciously on his part and my part.
My ex-spouse teased, put down, discounted, ignored completely any expression of feelings and needs expressed by me. By the 5th year of my marriage I was literally neurotic, depressed, anxious and most of all fearful. I was paralyzed emotionally. As they say in AlAnon "it was insanity." I no longer existed, I was an extension of my ex's personality. I was to meet his needs and did so denying my very soul and every value I had lived until I married him. I was truly trapped in the emotional and spiritual Hell of my own and my ex's making.
I want to disconnect myself emotionally and to heal the wounds of this relationship so I might be compassion for myself and others. The process is like Velcro Dr. S explained. Right now there is an emotional hook which fits into a loop. The healing takes place when the loop is opened and there is no longer a loop for the hook. These are the emotions within the dynamic of the relationship.
Throughout today's exercise I am "to be my ex" not myself; that is feel, talk as if I am him. The process took an hour and I cannot relate it all, I will give examples from it.
The process looks like this.
Two fingers to the center of chest.
two fingers on side of nose touching brow,
fingers to side of eye,
fingers to bone under eye.
Looking for a memory to start.
then a feeling
feeling with new image if it comes
experience new image
a feeling
Or a repeat if the feeling/image does not change.
Many exhortations by Dr S to "dive deeper" into the feeling; to feel it in the now as completely as I could as my ex.
Two fingers on my chest to repeat as my ex spouse "I am feeling____, I love myself unconditionally in body, mind and spirit."
We started out with my being my ex on the first floor of our home in Va. He had taken over the first floor as his office. It had a fireplace, handmade furniture by my brother especially for him. A really, really nice office. Feelings of satisfaction, contentment, pride and happiness were in this room for my ex. Dr. S led me through the hand movements more than once to the point that the room and feelings began to fade into a fog.
Then Dr. S asked me to move to another room in the home. I went upstairs as it was dinner time. What came next is hard to remember accurately. My ex was enjoying the meal Katy had prepared. I kept giving thoughts and descriptions, Dr S kept saying "feeling, feeling" I imagined my ex eating a mouthful of chicken. I imagined the taste, smell, texture.
My ex enjoyed the meal so much because he had been very poor as a child and had gone hungry (I know my ex's dad went hunting and they butchered on the kitchen table). I was to enter into his feelings of poverty, hunger, being deprived.
The image given me was a starving child of Africa poster. My ex was taken a back. The child came out of the poster toward him. He was panicky, turning away. At this point I began to cry, I said, "I can't continue" for Katy would never turn away from a starving child. Dr. S began to tap the outside of the each knee. (I am assuming a meridian pressure point.) He led me back into the image and overwhelming feelings of conflict.
The image became my ex stuck to the tar baby as in Brer Rabbit tales. The rest of time was spent with both halves of the image. The feelings of panic (my ex) the feelings of frustration (me) because I can't get free. I kept trying to "solve the problem" but Dr. S kept insisting on feelings. The session had to end, I was left holding both parts "the tar baby-me, my ex stuck to the tar baby" neither of us able to be freed from the connection.
Dr. S said, "You did well, you continued even when you said, "I can't" I can sit with the images on my own till we meet again. I told him the feelings at the end of the session were the same as when I had the dream at Walter Reed (Jan. 2006) the dream is:
A man/creature is in a loft about 3/4ths of the image. The man/creature is in a spider web shaped like a tunnel. I know he is there and ready to pounce. The loft is hung with black and weapons, the lower floor is also the same. I am standing on the floor below and looking up into the scene. I know I have fought and won (this morning’s session with Dr. M where I spoke my feelings honestly) I was to fight again. A child is with me. I decide ‘No, I do not need to fight.” I turn and walk away. I turn to my right and step out into the sunshine and blue sky.
I had never had a lucid dream before or since. That is a dream where I made a decision that would change my life in the waking world of day. I must do the same with this tar baby situation I think. I am not sure so the healing process will continue when I return from my journeys over the next month. I hope to dream and maybe experience some further insight into my life, healing toward compassion, and its meaning.
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