Transition to a "New Normal" as they said at WRAMC

i will be discharged from the rehab center on 12/1/10 after not quite 8 weeks in rehab recovering from a broken femur. I asked my PT "Is this more severe than a hip replacement?" as the center is almost filled with folks recovering from them, then knee, loss of strength and ability to walk and lastly folks like myself, various broken bones, surgeries etc. He said, "definitely" as I must heal not only the severing of muscle via the surgery which makes the right leg feel literally "like dead wood" but must also grow new bone which is a time consuming process When a person has hip replacement oftentimes they are up within a day or two walking. I did not place any weight on my right leg until 7 weeks then it was 50% for a week that is stand on both legs. In the 8 the week I have begun to place 100% on the leg, that is take a full step, right they left.

So that is why my MD gave me an application for a permanent handicap sticker seeing the recovery longer than a few months, I think. It also means that I will not being having the lower back surgery until I am much more recovered from this surgery again as the MD gave his prognosis.

So this is my way forward and new normal:
1. I can bend my right knee about 95% to the back, I can bend the left until the foot is about 2 inches from my butt. So I have about 20 more degrees in bend to regain back if I can.

2. The PT's say I am stable and strong. I must walk with a walker at all times. This is so if the right thigh fails, becomes weak to the point it won't support me I can use my hands and walker to keep from falling.

3. I must from now on, walking up steps lead with the left (good) foot, walking down steps lead with the right (injured) leg. I forgot as I practiced and the right leg let me know right away by "being dead weight"

4. I want to ASAP make an appointment with a Physical Medicine and Rehab MD so that he/she can create an outline for therapy and do's and don'ts to recover strength and at the same time do not injure my lower back further.

3. I must participate in my recovery doing the exercises assigned by the PT every day and by attending out-pt PT for as long as I can. I want them to set up an exercise program so that I can continue on my own after the sessions end.


Where has God been during my injury, rehab and as I go forward into a "new normal"

a. I believe what happened was an accident and nothing more. As a joke I read once "Shit happens" supposed to be Buddhist perspective, I was present. I knew it was bad, I told Lisa to call 911 an that I was not going to try to get up. I checked my body and my right leg gave me feedback that it was injured very seriously as it felt like "dead wood" above the knee. The fireman said, "maybe a dislocation" as he couldn't feel a jagged bone I guess. Every movement or touch of the right leg made me cry out in excruciating pain. The ride to the ER was a nightmare of pain. Being transferred to the hospital gurney was pain, being ex-rayed was pain. Nothing relieved the pain until the morphine drip started.

And when the RN put the catheter in I knew I was headed for surgery. I was moved to the ortho section of the hospital and put into traction to keep the bone pieces in place until surgery so I would not move and do more damage. I can't remember exactly the white lie the RN used but I didn't believe it. She said something to the effect "We don't want the bone to grow." I was incredulous, bone does NOT grow that quickly! Borne out by my not being able to walk on the leg for 8 weeks after surgery so the bone could grow! I didn't question her because if we start with a lie, she sure wasn't going to tell me the truth.

I must say that "I trusted in God" with the same level of trust as when I walked into Walter Reed after Jason's injury in 2005. I knew then that Jason's injury would be a benchmark in my life, a turning point against which I would measure the rest of my life. I was injured, I did not have any control over what would happen next. God/Force of Life would see me through surgery and recovery or not. I would follow MD's orders and let the rest be in God's Providence. I think it will be the same with death. I trust in God in that over which I have no control.

The image that came to me quickly after surgery was that I was a rowboat nestled in a cove, grasses on the shore, The boat gently rocked by the quiet movement of the waters maybe from a breeze. The feeling was I was being held, protected, at peace.

2. During these two months of 6 times a week therapy

Hello from the Rehab center in Brandon FL/ published February 27 2011

I never had the chance of publishing this as the last 5 months have been very busy.
So today I thought I would make it "part of my record" by publishing it unfinished as it is.

It has been about 2/(now 5) months since I posted last, let me tell you a saga!

As you know I was thinking of a move to be near my daughter Lisa as the MD's diagnosed severe degenerative arthritis in my lumbar spine. I felt it was maybe time I needed to be near my daughter as I do not know the results/impact of the surgery on my life. So on 9/30 I flew to Tampa, apt listings in hand to begin my search. Got off plane, did a quick chore to put me on Lisa's
family plan with T mobile, arrived at her home after dark, got out of the car and literally crashed into her driveway which happens to be cement. darn it.

Immediately I knew it would not be good at all. My right leg above the knee felt like dead wood.
911 arrived, into ambulance for painful ride to Brandon Regional about 10 minutes away.
X-ray revealed "Break in femur in four places including the ball joint"
Shot of morphine knocked me out, catheter in with no food or water for 24 hours until next afternoon.
"Sorry, no surgery today" We will try for Saturday morning.
Okay, more pain meds by the IV bagful, ambien, traction for overnight. (If you are on Face Book befriend me and you can see me before and after surgery)

Sat morning, up early surgery successful. After I am in my room, MD PA comes in, "It was a very complicated and challenging surgery" I said, "Say What?" "Whatever happened to the words "routine and boring?" He smiled. I found out later I did not have the best surgeon in the group however I trust that God will take care of any surgeon mistakes. He keeps saying during my check in visits, I have had two, "I could have wired a piece of the break but it doesn't heal well, more complicated." I just think he wanted to hurry to the golf course or some other activity on a Sat in FL.

So by Tuesday I was out of the hospital and into rehab about 10 minutes from my daughter's home. The RN's were very nice and looking out for my care. However the MD would not permit me pain meds for the ambulance transfer, a real, real painful ride with no meds until the next day! Needless to say I got very little sleep that night.

So It has been six weeks of rehabbing with PT and OT each day at first. I now have 1.5 hours of PT each day with a session on the weekend also. I have been keeping a journal most days with my "fights with the management " of the rehab center. Remember I was on the other side of the bed for 7 years as a hospice chaplain, so I have been intimately in and around health care systems for 7 years including overseeing my own mother's hospice care.

Trials and tribulations include
1. I have not yet figured out a way to get pain meds, once a day, prior to PT which I have at 9 AM every day since I arrived. Some of the LPN's who oversee pain meds are really good, others are just not awake at that hour of the morning I guess. So I have created a sign, "Ask for percacet at 7:30 AM with applesauce" and hung it on my closet door directly opposite the bed.

2. I cannot receive communion because I am in PT when the ministers do their rounds. Now I am talking mega parish where my children attend about 10 minutes away. This is the failure of the RCC to institute the reforms of Vatican II where all are called to be ministers and FL is filled with retired RC's. I am so glad I am out of the institutional RCC via attempting to live the reforms that need to come about.

3. Today I bit a piece of candy broke a tooth. Upside the tooth has a root canal which buys me time till I get discharged I hope. I will have Lisa give me the name of her dentist.

February 27:
I have moved into my new duplex at Sun City Center about 20 miles South of Lisa in Brandon. I will go to the MD's on March 17th to see what the folks at the Spinal Institute connected to USF and Tampa General say about surgery, etc.

Address:
1904 Canterbury Lane Unit 21
Sun City Center 33573
813 938 5750 (home)
Katyrcwp@gmail.com

You can also befriend me on Facebook under Katy Zatsick

I am Grateful For

I am Grateful for
1. Having Lisa for my daughter helping me find a place in FL.
2. Having an easy paced day today, didn't get exercise in.
3. Having good leftovers to eat as I try to clean out the frig as I will be gone to FL then to Chicago this next 10 days.

A Move to Florida? Visiting Brandon this week.

On Thursday I will fly to Fl to look for housing in the Brandon area, Hillsburough County where my daughter Lisa and her family live. I am facing a series of possible surgeries and decided I would rather move now than during a medical crisis. Get to know the community, support and medical professionals.

I will be in Fl for about five days and I think that will give me plenty of time to see the housing nearest to Lisa and to make an informed decision. I can always stay here and try again in the spring if I don't find a place this trip. Put my adds out on Craig's list-Tampa and using my daughter's cell phone number to arrange visits because wouldn't you know it I just lost mine while on retreat this week!

I am looking for a two bedroom apartment-so folks can visit, I assume my Northern relatives would like to do so in the winter. My son and his wife Jodi have returned to FL this past month; Jodi at the Un of FL in Gainesville and Jason in Tampa working for the DOD. I hope that our relationship might be more easily healed if I move to FL. I pray God will touch Jason's heart with the grace of forgiveness towards me.

If I move to Brandon I will be close to my Bishop Bridget Mary who resides in FL with her father from November to May in Sarasota. I would hope that I could preside at liturgy for her community until she arrives. I hope that I will be able to begin a small intentional faith community in Brandon. I hope that is where God is leading me if I move.

Three Things to be Grateful For

I have been busy with MD's etc seeking to make the best medical decisions I can. Went to a physical therapist this week who said, "you have been doing too much exercise for your back." Two times a week on the reclining bike, two times a week water aerobics.

1. I am thankful for physical therapy and Social Security Medicare that gets me there.
2. I am thankful for AlAnon and the support offered to parents with children abusing drugs/alcohol.
3. I am thankful for the ability to take a nap in the afternoon. I slept from 2-4 today. Woke up refreshed and began to clean the living room.

Rules to Live By by Rebecca Wells

The novel "The Crowning Glory of Cally Lily Ponder" follows a woman's life from her childhood in LA to her marriage to her childhood sweetheart many years later. Calla Lily's mother dies in the novel and before she dies she creates the rules of life for her children, soon motherless.

The Rules of Life

1. Sleep with the windows open (window screens are fine if necessary)

2. Whistle in the dark. Attempts at whistling are good enough

3. Good enough is good enough. Perfect will make you a big fat mess every time.

4. Sing anytime you feel like it, and even more when you don’t feel like it. This does not mean in math class. Silent singing is good, and try to sing out loud at least once a day.

5. Am I going to have to haunt y’all to keep everybody laughing? If I have to, you know I will.

6. New visitors are going to come join y’all. Welcome them with open arms.

7. Make new friends, keep the old ones. Get a new dog or cat as soon as you can, and always let one keep you.

8. Let love slip underneath closed doors, through tiny cracks in the wall, through your pores.

9. Remember: Y’all are so dear; each and every one of you makes it so easy to love you, as if anybody needed a reason.

10. Don’t push the La Luna (a river). You do not push a river.

11. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT wash my seasoned cast iron skillet in soapy water. It must simply be wiped clean with an oiled paper towel. We must respect things tht help bring us good food from Mother Earth-wherever we live.

12. Most important of all: KEEP ON DANCING. Dance while you brush your teeth, dance when the sun shines, and dance under the moon. Oh, please be sure to dance in the light, dance in the streets. When life is happy, dance in the kitchen; when life is the roughest, dance in the kitchen. My dear holy family, dance for the good of the world.


From The Crowning Glory of Lily Ponder by Rebecca Wells.

The very best "Good News" for our times I have read in a long time

Received the following via a list serve that I read.
Jon Stewart is noted for his right on "comedy" reporting, the only news I really follow besides reading my local paper. Jon is excellent. I do not believe that this is an actual show but the author uses the format to be "right on!" about issues of the day. The theology is impeccable from where I sit. It reminds me of an author Fr. Joe....who wrote many books putting Jesus into historical situations and how he would live and respond.

Jon Stewart asks Jesus about Mosque Ground Zero

I woke up last night to the sound of laughing and realized I'd fallen asleep with the TV on. It was 3 AM and I knew it was Jon Stewart but I had to fumble around for my glasses to see who his guest was. Unbelievable! It was Jesus, in his robe and all. His nose was bigger than I thought, his skin a lot darker, but his eyes were more piercing than I'd ever imagined. It was like light came out instead of going into them.
John was making some joke about both of them being Jews and Jesus, after laughing harder than I thought he would, said quite seriously to Jon, "Yeah, that's one of the weirdest things, isn't it? How could they forget that?"
Jon was all over him with questions from the daily news. What was his take on the whole Mosque/Ground Zero fiasco? Jesus said he'd seen some newscasts on the story and couldn't believe the drama and fear it was bringing up. "They want to build a public building for prayer, education and community gathering. That's a good thing. A better thing perhaps, would be the construction of an interfaith building, There's room for everyone, and it's these distinctions between religions that's causing all the problems in the first place."

Jon looked incredulous. "An interfaith building??"
"Yes, a multi-tasking mosque, with a synagogue, chapel and meditation hall in it. A building where people of different faiths come together to make a better world together. That's the point of religion right? It's not about doctrine. It's a plan for action, an opportunity to be a communal force for good. Religion is just the map. Faith is the real adventure."
"I don't know...." said Stewart, making one of those funny mouth movements he does after hearing a strange idea.
Jesus pipes in, "What could be better in that spot than a building that represents, by its very structure, a coming together, a new vision that goes beyond religious borders? It's like taking a good idea and making it great. The real prophets of the day know this. Where are their voices? Why aren't you interviewing them?"

"Hmm, I thought I was," says Stewart, tapping his pencil on the desk.
"You know why you have border issues here? Because you believe the borders are real, like they MEAN something. Muslin against Christian, Mexican against American, Republican against Democrat--all those borders are made up. You put up walls to defend your ideas--and not even your OWN, but ideas passed down to you from someone else--and then you make other people look like demons. It's no wonder this country is in a state of collapse. You don't even get it how connected you are. You're like five fingers on a hand who think they're separate and make up reasons why not to get along."

Jon sat there with his mouth open.
"You're like children playing war games. You spend all your time, all your energy attacking the "other side" instead of realizing you need to bridge the two sides in order to get across to a higher level of thinking. Even news shows are at war. Look at how you make fun of FOX. What light does that add to the world? All the time you could be giving to real visionaries, all the ways you could be role-modeling good behavior, showing the audience how it really WORKS to bring great and opposing minds together, and you sit there poking fun at another station. That's really enlightened, isn't it?"

This was the first time I'd ever seen Jon Stewart speechless. He looked like an embarrassed 6th grader. No pencil tapping now. More like a puppy with his tail between his legs.
"What in the world are you people doing? The ones who call themselves "religious" are often the most immature, the most judgmental and intolerant. What is THAT about? That's exactly the opposite of what every religion teaches. And I mean EVERY religion," Jesus said, as he looked away from Stewart and spoke right to the camera.
"All the religions say two basic things," he said, holding up his fingers in a peace sign.

"First, there is no distance between you and this one you call God. God is the creative force behind all things. It's invisible, but you are the manifestation of it. I'm telling you, the Sistine Chapel should have been a mirror."
The audience laughs, but Stewart stares into those deep eyes of the Nazarene.
He goes on, " You are the eyes, the hands, the feet of that creative force. That energy is in you. It's called your breath." He holds up his index finger and taps on it a few times. "That's the first thing. Don't think there's some man out there pulling strings. Grow up. This civilization--if you can call it that--is YOUR creation. This earth, it is not a bunch of resources to be exploited. It is not to be owned. It is your mother, the womb that you sprang from. You are its consciousness, its neural cells. The whole earth is the organism that you belong to. You did not come down to earth, you came up from earth, as I did. Its well-being is in your hands. Can you be proud of what you're doing? Are you going to be the ones who kill it off, after all that talk about pro-life?"

Jesus was getting a little worked up, like that day he stormed through the temple turning over the merchants' tables. Jon cut to a commercial, "And we'll be right back to hear the 2nd basic thing from our guest tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the Jewish prophet Jesus of Nazareth. Stay tuned..." They were laughing about something when they returned from the commercial, Jesus stretched out in his chair with his long lanky legs covered by his tunic, his sandaled feet hidden under the desk.

"OK," Jon says, "You were saying there were two things. Let me see if I got this right. There's no bearded guy up there on a cloud. That God we talk about and fight over is the creative force inside us and around us? It's invisible and we're like....(a long pause) its shadow?"

"Not exactly," says Jesus. We're like the physical form of the same energy. The ice cube version of water or steam. Same elements, different form. The sea and the iceberg. You're all icebergs in the Sea of God," he said, half-laughing at his own quaint metaphor. "But the problem is you don't realize that underneath it all, you're all connected. There's just one big iceberg with a lot of tips. The truth is, you're Creation continuing the co-creation of Itself."
"Oh my," says Stewart. "Let's leave that discussion to Bill Moyers, What about number two? What's the number two thing we're supposed to know?"
Jesus holds up his two fingers again, tapping the tip of his middle finger. The camera zoomed in so closely on him I could see a scar on his forehead. "It's not so much what you need to know--that's part of the problem, all these peoples' belief systems. That's what gets you in trouble. No one has to believe in me to get to heaven. A...there is no heaven to get to and B, it's not what you believe but how you act that matters. If anyone learned anything from reading that Bible they should have picked up that one. There's 3000 references to helping the poor in there. But let me get back..."

"Yes," says Stewart. "The second thing.."
"The second thing is this: forget everything you ever learned in any holy book and just treat everyone like a brother and a sister. I mean that literally. If it were your brother coming across the border...your sister with cancer and no health care....your child unable to get an education....your mother with no food in her house. And even further, your brother who was gay or hated gays, your sister who was a corrupt politician, your brother who bombed an abortion clinic, your sister who got an abortion. What does it look like to love unconditionally? To bridge differences, to come together over what we can agree on? Can you get through one day without thinking you're better or less than another? That's the thing to strive for. That is living faithfully."

"But...but..." says Stewart. "What about the Tea Partyers, the terrorists, what about Fox News and hate crimes?"
"If you think they are so different from you, be the opposite of what you think they are and enact that powerfully in the world. Don't focus on who's wrong. Just be a greater force for good."

"Not focus on who's wrong? How could I do my show?"

"Exactly. Remember what Gandhi said? Be the change you want to see in the world?"
"Sure. I have that quotation on my refrigerator."

"Well, it's time to take it further. You're evolving as a people. You've come through the Dark Ages, the Middle Ages, the Renaissance, the wrongly named Period of Enlightenment. You're now in the Information Age. You are growing your consciousness. In the physical world, you have Olympic marathon trainers who run 10 miles or more a day. They spend every waking hour in training, eating the right foods, researching the right clothing and equipment, working out, following a discipline. And in the metaphysical world, the spiritual world, you have people doing the same--they are your mystics and prophets--engaging in spiritual practice, accelerating their wisdom, expanding their consciousness, transcending judgment and radiating love into the world. You might be in that category.,."

Stewart does one of his choking, ahem things, putting his hand over his mouth. "Out of the question," he says frankly. "I thrive on judgment."

"Good to know yourself. You're all evolving at different rates. In the fall, when you look at a maple tree, you see leaves that are green, yellow, orange and red. They don't all change at the same time. And that's what makes life exciting. You all know different things. That's why you need each other. Like that guy Ken Wilbur said, "You're all right, only partly so."

Stewart nods his head in agreement, tapping his pencil on the table again.
"But back to Gandhi. I agree with what he said, but I'll say it a different way, just to shake things up a bit, which I love to do. By the way, it'd make a great bumper sticker:

Be the God you want to see in the world."
"Oh-oh, sounds blasphemous to me," says Stewart.

"You know as well as I do, every good idea starts out as a blasphemy."
"OK, great, we're out of time," says Stewart, as the camera swings over for a shot of the audience. They're all standing, some crying and laughing at the same time, the most incredible look of collective awe I've ever seen. And Jesus walks over like Jay Leno and starts shaking hands with them. What a night!"


Jan Phillips
September 3, 2010