I am reading a book called the Spiritually of Aging by Bianchi. I started it because a friend asked me to create a ritual around "The Blessings in Diminishment."
I am slowly collecting bible verses, information about the challenges of aging and God, I guess to get me in the right mind, let me become aware of the diminishment within my own body.
I want to meet with Paschal to see what he has in mind. I really do want to do this before I leave Lexington Nov. 1. I'll keep you posted
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Three Things to be Grateful For
I took a "quiet day" after my medical news of yesterday. It was good to hear from my sister and daughter checking in to see how I was doing.
I spent time working on a report for the MFSO board.
I spent time reading a murder mystery.
I spent time working on my will with a lawyer over the phone. With possible surgery on the horizon I thought I best get busy and write one.
I spent time reading emails of support from friends. Five persons had had back fusion surgery. All agreed that it has made a positive difference.
I walked the garden at UK but I could not finish the last circle of the cloverleaf, my right leg was hurting and my lower back was hurting. Portent of things to come.
Thinking I might move to FL to be near my daughter Lisa as my lease is up Nov 1.
I thought I could get settled in and possibly have the surgery in the new year.
Where is God? God is with me as I have always known even in an abusive relationship as I struggled to find the light within. God is with me through medical professionals, through caring notes from friends, the love of my daughter.
For this day I am thankful to be alive, to be cared for, to feel the warm air on my skin as I walked this evening. It is enough, I have journeyed far spiritually and if God wants to call me home, I will say as my dad did, "I sure would like to stay but I am ready."
I spent time working on a report for the MFSO board.
I spent time reading a murder mystery.
I spent time working on my will with a lawyer over the phone. With possible surgery on the horizon I thought I best get busy and write one.
I spent time reading emails of support from friends. Five persons had had back fusion surgery. All agreed that it has made a positive difference.
I walked the garden at UK but I could not finish the last circle of the cloverleaf, my right leg was hurting and my lower back was hurting. Portent of things to come.
Thinking I might move to FL to be near my daughter Lisa as my lease is up Nov 1.
I thought I could get settled in and possibly have the surgery in the new year.
Where is God? God is with me as I have always known even in an abusive relationship as I struggled to find the light within. God is with me through medical professionals, through caring notes from friends, the love of my daughter.
For this day I am thankful to be alive, to be cared for, to feel the warm air on my skin as I walked this evening. It is enough, I have journeyed far spiritually and if God wants to call me home, I will say as my dad did, "I sure would like to stay but I am ready."
My health care needs: Three Surgeries in my Future
Dear friends,
I wanted to let you know about the results of my tests (and a CT scan to go).
I met with the neurosurgeon today in Lexington and Dr S. reported:
1. What is happening is the result of degenerative scoliosis/osteoarthritis.
2. The good news-your right hip is not ready for a transplant yet “orthopedists wouldn’t be interested” but is probably the source of some pain you are feeling. Has some “deterioration on the femur head.”
3. The bad news- “I recommend surgery to fuse your L2, 3, 4 vertebrae together and do some improvement in the scoliosis”
So…here I am at almost 68 facing a major medical decision that will impact on the rest of my life.
The CT is scheduled for the end of September. For some reason Dr. S did not find all the info he wants via the MRI, so…
I will seek a 2nd opinion.
Gather information about pros/cons of this surgery, lasting effects of the surgery.
Dr S said, “When you can’t stand the pain, you will schedule surgery or you are thinking of your back 24/7 or you are limited in what you can do.”
But the extent of the deterioration has him ready to do the surgery now.
Sure didn’t look good on the MRI.
Of course, nothing a surgeon can do will stop the continual degeneration due to arthritis.
The surgery will repair what it can, it is not a cure.
I ask you prayers, good thoughts, healing light and wisdom to discern the way forward in my medical care.
Send me any resources about such surgery or contact for folks who have undergone it.
I wanted to let you know about the results of my tests (and a CT scan to go).
I met with the neurosurgeon today in Lexington and Dr S. reported:
1. What is happening is the result of degenerative scoliosis/osteoarthritis.
2. The good news-your right hip is not ready for a transplant yet “orthopedists wouldn’t be interested” but is probably the source of some pain you are feeling. Has some “deterioration on the femur head.”
3. The bad news- “I recommend surgery to fuse your L2, 3, 4 vertebrae together and do some improvement in the scoliosis”
So…here I am at almost 68 facing a major medical decision that will impact on the rest of my life.
The CT is scheduled for the end of September. For some reason Dr. S did not find all the info he wants via the MRI, so…
I will seek a 2nd opinion.
Gather information about pros/cons of this surgery, lasting effects of the surgery.
Dr S said, “When you can’t stand the pain, you will schedule surgery or you are thinking of your back 24/7 or you are limited in what you can do.”
But the extent of the deterioration has him ready to do the surgery now.
Sure didn’t look good on the MRI.
Of course, nothing a surgeon can do will stop the continual degeneration due to arthritis.
The surgery will repair what it can, it is not a cure.
I ask you prayers, good thoughts, healing light and wisdom to discern the way forward in my medical care.
Send me any resources about such surgery or contact for folks who have undergone it.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
The Last Sunday of Summer/Next Week is September and Labor Day
I experienced two types of community today.
First the gathering of a small Eucharistic community which I started here in Lexington before Christmas in 2009. I have tried to meet once a month but life has not permitted us so today was our 4th time. About 12 of us (including one man) gathered in a home of a woman who has taken care of her quadriplegic son for 30+ years at home, alone. She is beginning to think of his placement in alternative living arrangements. There comes a time when we cannot do what we did when younger. I ask God's guidance for B.
I learned that Michael Crosby Franciscan who wrote about the dysfunctional RCC is now speaking out for women priests. I had not heard of his taking such a position, I will have to check. A young woman attended who is seriously considering putting herself forward as a candidate for RCWP. She has a Masters in Pastoral Studies, lives in Lexington and a new hospice chaplain. I think she will be an excellent priest for the community should she choose to do.
Our readings and reflection focused on "Who do I invite to the table?" I addressed the Shadow side of ourselves-that which has been suppressed by family, culture, church. The shadow aspects can be negative or positive. I said, "My opposites were being a victim or being empowered. I came to consciousness at WRAMC, stopped being a victim and empowered myself." Been on the journey since then to empowerment as a daughter of God." They appreciated my story. The dialogue homily turned to the times the RCC turned away family, friends from receiving the Eucharist. The great hurt that has been caused by the Pharisee rules that Jesus railed against.
I feel that I need to study more to be able to add more to the homilies. Although being open to the Spirit speaking is the most important for me. I need time in prayer. I feel that I have to study all the time to make up for being lost for so many of my years.
In the evening I attended an open AA meeting here in Lexington. The speaker a woman in her 40's told her story of starting to drink when she was 15 (ACOA), knowing by the time she reached college that if she didn't quit she would be dead by 30. She and her spouse helped each other to sobriety and she hasn't had a drink in 20 years.
Her story had many poignant moments but I will tell one.
A couple of years ago, her mother was healthy, came home from Fl and became ill. Never diagnosed with an illness she died in six months. The storyteller was heartbroken. Before her mother died she would repeat the phrase, "It is what it is." Her daughter took it to mean that she was accepting of her own death, couldn't change it. On the first anniversary of her death the storyteller was in SC on vacation. She was full of grief and wanted a sign that all was well, "Mom, I need your help." The family went down to the beach and on the wharf she looked to her right,"There was a fishing boat and its name was "It is what it is." The storyteller knew her mom was okay and had sent her a sign. One for the emotional-spiritual books. Synchronicity or a mother's love for her daughter.
A community is created by the people who gather. AA and the 12 step programs are all about the spiritual journey and their stories tell of "their higher power" who loves them and provides for them. And so it is true with our stories.
Blessings everyone as you start your week.
First the gathering of a small Eucharistic community which I started here in Lexington before Christmas in 2009. I have tried to meet once a month but life has not permitted us so today was our 4th time. About 12 of us (including one man) gathered in a home of a woman who has taken care of her quadriplegic son for 30+ years at home, alone. She is beginning to think of his placement in alternative living arrangements. There comes a time when we cannot do what we did when younger. I ask God's guidance for B.
I learned that Michael Crosby Franciscan who wrote about the dysfunctional RCC is now speaking out for women priests. I had not heard of his taking such a position, I will have to check. A young woman attended who is seriously considering putting herself forward as a candidate for RCWP. She has a Masters in Pastoral Studies, lives in Lexington and a new hospice chaplain. I think she will be an excellent priest for the community should she choose to do.
Our readings and reflection focused on "Who do I invite to the table?" I addressed the Shadow side of ourselves-that which has been suppressed by family, culture, church. The shadow aspects can be negative or positive. I said, "My opposites were being a victim or being empowered. I came to consciousness at WRAMC, stopped being a victim and empowered myself." Been on the journey since then to empowerment as a daughter of God." They appreciated my story. The dialogue homily turned to the times the RCC turned away family, friends from receiving the Eucharist. The great hurt that has been caused by the Pharisee rules that Jesus railed against.
I feel that I need to study more to be able to add more to the homilies. Although being open to the Spirit speaking is the most important for me. I need time in prayer. I feel that I have to study all the time to make up for being lost for so many of my years.
In the evening I attended an open AA meeting here in Lexington. The speaker a woman in her 40's told her story of starting to drink when she was 15 (ACOA), knowing by the time she reached college that if she didn't quit she would be dead by 30. She and her spouse helped each other to sobriety and she hasn't had a drink in 20 years.
Her story had many poignant moments but I will tell one.
A couple of years ago, her mother was healthy, came home from Fl and became ill. Never diagnosed with an illness she died in six months. The storyteller was heartbroken. Before her mother died she would repeat the phrase, "It is what it is." Her daughter took it to mean that she was accepting of her own death, couldn't change it. On the first anniversary of her death the storyteller was in SC on vacation. She was full of grief and wanted a sign that all was well, "Mom, I need your help." The family went down to the beach and on the wharf she looked to her right,"There was a fishing boat and its name was "It is what it is." The storyteller knew her mom was okay and had sent her a sign. One for the emotional-spiritual books. Synchronicity or a mother's love for her daughter.
A community is created by the people who gather. AA and the 12 step programs are all about the spiritual journey and their stories tell of "their higher power" who loves them and provides for them. And so it is true with our stories.
Blessings everyone as you start your week.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
MRI on Monday 8/30
I sit here at the computer wondering what the future holds for myself and ministry. I must go to the neurosurgeon on Monday for a MRI. For the last two years I have had intermittent pain in my lower back-right side below the waist and now episodes of numbness each day. It is time for me to find a diagnosis and prognosis before I take on a ministry that I might not be able to carry out fully.
Don't know the cause but maybe a permanently slipped disk? arthritis of the spine? injury to disk or vertebrae itself? Not sure but it wears me down each day by evening.
I think of the value of suffering and having experienced so much emotional and spiritual suffering in my life I do not want to have to experience physical pain also if I do not need to do it. I am not big into pain of any kind. I was hoping that I would have my "golden years" to minister as a RCWP, they may not happen.
I have held fetuses in my hand and baptized them so I know how blessed I have been to live almost 68 years. Active and able to travel, to experience new things. I am ready for what ever the MRI shows.
Say a prayer for my good health especially for my lower back.
Blessings,
katy
Don't know the cause but maybe a permanently slipped disk? arthritis of the spine? injury to disk or vertebrae itself? Not sure but it wears me down each day by evening.
I think of the value of suffering and having experienced so much emotional and spiritual suffering in my life I do not want to have to experience physical pain also if I do not need to do it. I am not big into pain of any kind. I was hoping that I would have my "golden years" to minister as a RCWP, they may not happen.
I have held fetuses in my hand and baptized them so I know how blessed I have been to live almost 68 years. Active and able to travel, to experience new things. I am ready for what ever the MRI shows.
Say a prayer for my good health especially for my lower back.
Blessings,
katy
Three Things to be Grateful For
It is a beautiful day in Lexington today in the low 80's.
Went to the regular Thursday Peace Vigil, RM couldn't find a parking space, he waved to us from his car as he drove by our corner of Broadway and Main. Traffic horrendous between the road repair and students in town and regular 5 PM traffic.
I am grateful for
1. Being able to offer support to a friend whose husband just asked her for a divorce after 34 years of a relationship. (Dow and I divorced after 32 years, #$it happens.)
2. Grateful to the Rite-Aid clerk who gave me a roll of quarters so I can do laundry tomorrow morning and don't have to go to the bank first! Alleluia for random acts of kindness.
3. Grateful to the Fed Ex clerk who helped me do a back/front copy. When I do I know I needed one upside down but just couldn't place it correctly.
Went to the regular Thursday Peace Vigil, RM couldn't find a parking space, he waved to us from his car as he drove by our corner of Broadway and Main. Traffic horrendous between the road repair and students in town and regular 5 PM traffic.
I am grateful for
1. Being able to offer support to a friend whose husband just asked her for a divorce after 34 years of a relationship. (Dow and I divorced after 32 years, #$it happens.)
2. Grateful to the Rite-Aid clerk who gave me a roll of quarters so I can do laundry tomorrow morning and don't have to go to the bank first! Alleluia for random acts of kindness.
3. Grateful to the Fed Ex clerk who helped me do a back/front copy. When I do I know I needed one upside down but just couldn't place it correctly.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Three Things to be Grateful For
Spent time on the MFSO Transition Team Board call.
Good to be with peacemakers even if it is on the phone.
I am grateful for:
1. Military families that speak for peace even while caring for their soldiers. I don't feel alone when I am on the phone with them.
2. Birds that sing in the morning. Maybe on their way South already?
3. Walking in the arboretum at the end of the day. Lots of students out some jogging, some with pets. Lots of folks and families. Thank goodness there is still "a commons" to be found in the community. The Children's Garden is almost ready. There will need to be some planting done but it is looking good with paths threaded throughout I would say a 2 acre plot. I know it will be very pretty next spring. Part of me wonders if I will be here to see it or have moved to another place.
Good to be with peacemakers even if it is on the phone.
I am grateful for:
1. Military families that speak for peace even while caring for their soldiers. I don't feel alone when I am on the phone with them.
2. Birds that sing in the morning. Maybe on their way South already?
3. Walking in the arboretum at the end of the day. Lots of students out some jogging, some with pets. Lots of folks and families. Thank goodness there is still "a commons" to be found in the community. The Children's Garden is almost ready. There will need to be some planting done but it is looking good with paths threaded throughout I would say a 2 acre plot. I know it will be very pretty next spring. Part of me wonders if I will be here to see it or have moved to another place.
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